Ask the Counselor


Kindly  assist me. I  got Disability  as a    teenager due to sickness, since then I believe my family thinks am an embarrassment to them, before then I knew everyone loved me, we used to go together to places with my parent and siblings.After my sickness ,no one will ask for my company, when invited for functions my other siblings and parent will attend and  they  think they  would  be  mistreating  me  due  to  my struggles ,so for them it better I remain at home, Do they real love me?

I empathize with your current situation for I can imagine how you feel when you see your other family members leaving you behind as they go to enjoy.  However it seems to me that your belief  system  coupled  with  your  perceptions  here  are  your greatest enemies. It is good to clarify whether it’s your family that views you as an embarrassment, or you perceive that you are an embarrassment to them. Secondly I can see you have already concluded that they will feel like they are mistreating you in case they went with you; which also seems to be coming from you not them.

While   its   true   disability   elicits   some   stigmatization,   it’s important  for  you  to  clarify  with your  family  members  their behavior towards you. Could it be that they find you uncomfortable in social settings and they love you enough not to hurt your feelings? Could it also be that you have never really expressed interest in going with them ever since you fell ill.?

To help you overcome your current challenges, kindly re-examine  your  thoughts  you  harbor  concerning  yourself  in your current situation. Assess  your  reactions  when  your  family  is  discussing  social events and express your interest in attending to such.

Reach out to your family and express your concerns openly for this will bring both you and your family on the same level of understanding. Try and understand how your family feels about you, and try to let them know how you would wish to be treated. On the issue of love, analyse the treatment your family accords you. It’s good to clarify what leaving you behind means to them for it could be their language of love and concern to you other than neglect.Finally, understand that happiness begins and ends with you.


 Am a person without any Disability , I fear interacting with disabled   persons   because   they   are   sensitive   and   self- cantered , sometimes I find as if they take advantage of their disabilities , Please guide me ?
It would be helpful to understand them from their perspective and embrace them without feeling like they deserve more than you do. It’s only then that you will realize that majority of them don’t take advantage of their disability but are only victims of circumstances. While it is normal for anyone in your situation to feel that way, it is important to understand that such feelings originate from a lack of understanding of persons with disability. In most cases such feelings stem from stereotypes and generalizations rather than on facts.  To conquer your fear, reach out to the physically challenged persons around you. Interact with them as normally as you would interact with everybody else. In most cases, people look upon persons with disability with lots of pity and behave as if it is their responsibility to accord them an extra hand, making them feel uncomfortable.

I have this boyfriend who says he loves me so much, he always visits me in my house and we really enjoy each other’s company, but he will not introduce me to his friends as a girlfriend and whenever I request we go out together he always  finds  excuses  why  we should  stay  indoors,  does  it mean he is embarrassed of my disability or am I paranoid?

It might be difficult to tell the feelings of your boyfriend, however, it seems that he is the only one who visits you and that the only time you are together is  when he is  in your house. Whether he is embarrassed about you or not depends on how he treats you when in public. Effective communication is one of the major  ingredients  of  a good relationship;  and  it  seems  to be lacking in your relationship. In this, I mean the ability to genuinely communicate your feelings to each other. I challenge you to gather enough courage and share your concerns openly with him in order to ascertain the truth. If his excuses persist even after the discussion, then you might be required to decide if that is the path you want your relationship to take or not. Remember, you are an equally important player in this relationship, and your concerns count just as much as those of your friend. Don’t swim in the lie that things will get better in future, the earlier you get things right, the better it will be for you. Treasure yourself for the most important person you have in your life is you hence resolve to value the greatest resource you have –which is you. Am glad you already are seeing the cracks in your relationship. Understand that that it is your responsibility to mend them for if left unattended, they sure will develop into highways. Thus take action early to avoid frustrations in future.

How can I relate well with people at work and make the best out of it without feeling my disability is an obstacle?

It  seems  to  me that  you already view  your disability as  an obstacle. The fact that they are your colleagues means that you are all equal hence they are not better than you. Work at your personal development which entails self acceptance, self love, self confidence and building up your esteem through positive self talk. Appreciate and embrace your achievements and feel good about your progress. Be at peace with yourself. Reach out to your colleagues and focus on the relationship instead of your disability. Understand that life is interesting if we learn to focus on what matters to us at the moment and what matters to you at your work place is the working relationship. Accepting self and feeling good about yourself will determine how well you will relate to your colleagues. It will require of you to work a lot on building your confidence in order to be able to feel at par with your workmates.  Secondly, work at your expectations. Many a times, our relationships are hindered by our high expectations. You will rarely get hurt if you place minimum expectations in such relationships.


I am a young girl with a physical disability, I admire my parent marriage and would wish to get married ,however almost all the  women with disabilities I have met are single mothers and tells me it’s hard to be married when you have a disability ,am a Christian but I also want my own children, what should I do ?

From your Christian perspective, it is important to understand what the Bible says about marriage. God’s promises in his word are not discriminative hence standing on them is  worthwhile. Assess  also  how  you  view  yourself,  and  how  you  present yourself to other people. Knowing who you are is key to healthy relationships. Looking  down  upon  yourself  affects  how other people relate to you and especially in marital relationships. Love yourself for people who have learned to love themselves in the right way always know what it means to love others. Choose to be different by dealing with self pity and being focused; you don’t have to be like everybody else because you are unique. Get involved  in  social  settings  and  get  committed  in  your  daily